When Merritt Smith arrived at the emergency room with her 4-year-old daughter, it wasn’t a stretch to say she was experiencing some hot emotions. She had received a call from her daughter’s school earlier that day that her daughter had been attacked on the playground by a fellow student and would require stitches as a result. But nothing prepared her for the hospital clerk’s welcoming comment.
“I bet he likes you…” joked the man behind the hospital check-in counter, nodding with a smile to the bleeding girl. He probably thought it was an innocent remark and was trying to keep the tone light, maybe even make her smile, but it was the wrong thing to say:
“I’m positive that you didn’t think that statement through,” her mother said later on her Facebook account. Her status recalling the incident and her outraged response has been shared almost 32,000 times and has become the talk of several online forums. “That statement supports the idea that ‘hurting is flirting’, and begins to set a tone for what is acceptable behavior. My four year old knows that’s not how we show we like someone. That was not a good choice.”
Her comments have sparked a heated online discussion about gender norms and the expectations we are teaching our children. Boys chasing girls on the playground is one thing, but violence that borders on domestic abuse needs to be addressed earlier rather than later, Smith argues. While the employee at the emergency registration desk probably wasn’t tying to condone this behavior, what he thought was an innocuous comment catalyzed a movement online.
As children learn the ins and outs of social interaction with their peers, the foundations are being laid for their relationships later in life. Smith and those who agree with her believe that adults need to provide good examples of acceptable social interaction and enforce the rules early.
“At that desk you are in a position of influence, whether you realize it or not,” she tells the employee. “In that moment, hurt and in a new place, worried about perhaps getting a shot or stitches you were a person we needed to help us and your words of comfort conveyed a message that someone who likes you might hurt you.” Even if he didn’t mean to exactly set that precedent, his words left an impression. A 4-year-old being injured by another classmate so badly it requires stitches should not become normal.
“Do Not tell my 4 year old who needs stitches from a boy at school hitting her ‘I bet he likes you.’ NO.”
Smith concluded on her Facebook account. Her rant instigated a viral discussion about gender expectations for our children. That Children’s Hospital employee will likely think twice before the next time he greets a patient and their parent. Every word is an opportunity to teach and encourage or instill the right (or wrong) expectations in those growing hearts and minds.