From Bang to Bust: Scott Walker Has Reportedly Revoked His Bid for the Presidency. Good!

From Bang to Bust: Scott Walker Has Reportedly Revoked His Bid for the Presidency. Good!

Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker (R) has decided to raise and wave the white flag during his bid for the Oval Office in a highly contested 2016 presidential race; failing to reach less than a half of a percentage point of support when compared to his GOP opponents. Walker’s decision to capitulate came on Monday after dropping to the bottom of the barrel in the latest polls. From front-runner to tail-dragger in a matter of months, alas the world of politics and American conjecture can be a fickle mistress.

Although Walker’s numbers skyrocketed after giving an eye-opening and passionate speech at the Iowa Freedom Summit earlier in the year, his waning support slowly and steadily plummeted in the ensuing months. After visiting Iowa again last month, the Wisconsin governor found that banking on one powerful speech just isn’t enough to win over the hearts and minds of heartland voters. A handful of reasons exist as to why Walker’s demise came so quickly, but this is indicative of presidential primary candidates who gain steam early and fizzle out down the stretch.

First off (and perhaps most crippling to his campaign), the villainous Koch Brothers decided to write him off and withdrew their financial support – effectively pulling the rug from beneath his feet – after a comment he made about building a wall at the Canadian border… In fear that he may make more questionable statements down the road, the Koch ghouls parted ways with their pawn and decided to pour their millions into some other campaign.

Walker’s foreign policy knowledge, or the lack thereof, also contributed to his decreasing viability. He claimed that the ability to dismantle labor unions in Wisconsin qualified him to take on the Islamic State and terrorism on a global scale. Walker stated that if he can take on 100,000 angry protesters, he can accomplish the same across the world with terrorists. But protestors won’t fire AK-47’s at you or blow themselves up just to bring your sorry ass down to Hell with them. They just protest.

Aside from these speculative policy statements, his lackluster performances during the most recent republican debates all but sealed his fate. The second debate, held in Simi Valley, Ca. proved that Walker’s boastful political veneer became fine enough to see the vast crater of inexperience lying beyond. Rather than using his allotted time to discuss the issues at hand and providing solid resolutions, he interrupted his colleagues a total of five times and failed to attacking the party’s current leader, Donald the Trump. His actual speaking time totaled eight minutes in a three-hour long marathon, and he fielded only three questions.

The other candidates never mentioned his name or attacked him in any way, which may have been a reflection of a campaign already on its way to the mortuary. Running low on cash and general support, Walker urged other unnamed candidates to drop out of the race during his concession speech, stating that he’d rather right-wing support go towards qualified candidates rather than the current front-runner. He didn’t mention Trump’s name directly, but we all know who he’s talking about. Even the republican candidates see Trump for what he really is: a cyanide pill.

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